Are You Obsessed With GONE?
by firegirl56
Summary: A list of ways to know if you are truly obsessed.  Like I am.


**Author's Note: I have done/plan to do every single one of these. If you are one of my "GONE obsessed friends" and know about the list, the mineshaft/book room, or the gaiaphage muffin, then I just want to say that I love you. And I can't wait until our parking lot demonstration. XD**

**Add this to your favorites if you have done/plan to do at least 20 of these.**

**Review if you liked it. :)**

50 ways to tell that you are obsessed with the GONE series:

1 You own all the books.

2 You constantly reread them,

3 Discuss them with your other GONE obsessed friends,

4 And call your other friends losers for not comprehending the overall awesomeness of the books.

5 You then ask your friends to read the books.

6 If they don't want to, brag about how great they are.

7 If they still don't want to, bribe them.

8 If they STILL don't want to, slip GONE into their bags whenever they aren't looking.

9 When they discover it and return it, tie them to a chair and READ the entire thing aloud to them.

10 After you scar them for life with your amazing descriptive powers of the gruesome fight scenes, giggle and begin to discuss it with them.

11 You smile stupidly whenever you think of Drake or Caine (or Sam, if you like that guy…)

12 The agonizing wait for the next book actually keeps you awake at night.

13 Any time you hear, see, or think of words such as: sadist, whip, shark, you think of Drake.

14 Any time you come across a person with an oversized ego, you mentally label them CAINE.

15 Then you look at them to see if they are as hot as Caine is.

16 If they aren't, you re-label them ALBERT.

17 You know what happens on pages 223-225 of PLAGUE.

18 You read it aloud to your friends melodramatically in science class when the teacher isn't listening.

19 You also do it when the teacher IS listening and ignore the concerned look he gives you.

20 After scarring your friends for life, you go back and RE-SCAR them by reading it in your amazing accents, such as: Southern, Dracula, New Jersey, English, stuttering, Jamaican, Gangster, and a singsong voice.

21 You read almost nothing but GONE fanfictions.

22 You dream about what would happen if the FAYZ popped up around your town.

23 You Google pictures of Caine, Diana, and Drake.

24 You make them into a poster and put them in your binder, on your walls, and on every flat surface you own.

25 The thought of GONE becoming a movie makes you jump up and down and giggle ecstatically.

26 You decide that if it is a movie, you and you other obsessed friends will see the midnight premiere showing of it, and that you will wear a long, red sock on your hand, while your friend dresses up in a paper-mache gray costume to look like Orc.

27 Then, when the movie is over, the two of you will engage in a dramatic, life-size battle to the death in the parking lot. The friend pretending to be Orc will run away, molesting random moviegoers to "beer him". Then your other friend will come out carrying those long thin glowsticks. First, they lie down on the asphalt as you hit them with the red sock. They scream in pain and writhe around. Then, they get up and you lie on the ground, and they start hitting you with the glowsticks. You scream in pain until someone calls the cops. Then the three of you hop into your getaway vehicle driven by another friend in a panda suit.

28 Michael Grant is your idol.

29 You give everyone you know a GONE character whose personality and powers suit them

30 You and your other GONE obsessed friends constantly refer to people by their GONE character names, while everyone else struggles to figure out what you're talking about.

31 You and your GONE obsessed friends conclude that the mine shaft has relocated itself to the most evil teacher in the school's closet.

32 When you discover a muffin on your desk in the classroom of the gaiaphage-teacher, you scream and rush to inform your GONE obsessed friends.

33 When the gaiaphage-teacher tells you to eat the possessed muffin, you have a mental breakdown as you eat it, sending mournful glances at your other GONE obsessed friends as you chew and swallow.

34 Later, when the muffin gives you a stomachache, you hyperventilate and scream "OH MY GOD IT WAS A RADIOACTIVE MUFFIN MY HAIR'S GOING TO FALL OUT IN CLUMPS AND I'LL DIE!"

35 Then it hits you that maybe now, since you ate a radioactive muffin, you will become Muffin Man. (It's like Spider-Man, but with muffins.)

36 You and your other GONE obsessed friends draw a list of GONE stick figures for all the characters in science class when you should be taking notes.

37 When the teacher reads it and asks what the thing in Howard's hand is, you say, "Oh, it's a bottle of…um…Pepsi." Then, when he looks at you doubtfully, you all burst out laughing, causing everyone in class to stare at you.

38 You constantly doodle pictures of hot telekinetics and guys with whip arms all over your notebooks, and share them with your GONE obsessed friends.

39 When your mom explains homosexuality to your little sister, you rant on about Dekka and her hardships.

40 Then, when your mother explains to your little sister about evil, sick people, you rant on about Drake and his overall evilness/epicness.

41 You refer to GONE so much that even your other GONE obsessed friends think you're over-obsessed.

42 You wish they made GONE action figures so you could act out all the epic fight scenes.

43 You would KILL to have Michael Grant come to talk at your school.

44 You have created your own "Box of Stuff I Can Use to Survive If an Autistic Toddler with Immeasurable Powers Erects an Impenetrable Wall Around a Nuclear Power Plant to Combat an Alien Bacterium Who Wants to Kill Us All" kit and know that you will use it someday. You call it the S.I.C.U.S.I.A.T.I.P.E.I.W.A.N.P.P.C.A.B.W.W.K.U.A Box for short.

45 When one of your best friends' sisters hits her fifteenth birthday, you send her one of Astrid's pamphlets.

46 When the sister asks if you have ever sought professional help, smile and tell her that the hot immortal guy who got his arm burned off and replaced with a tentacle and leads the giant bug army had the shrink completely booked.

47 Then, prepare to be sent to a mental institution.

48 Whenever people try to get you obsessed with other books, annoyingly redirect their conversation. For example: Random Friend: "Hey, oh my gosh, did you guys read the Hunger Games? Wasn't it so sweet that Thresh didn't kill Katniss?" You: "Oh yeah, that's just like in GONE when Sam was about to burn Caine's face off, but he couldn't do it, because they were brothers and all, and have I mentioned that Caine is definitely the hotter twin?..."

49 When all your friends get obsessed with weight loss, you stand up proudly and declare that you eat like a Coates kid: mushrooms and Panda meat.

50 As you read this, you are smiling and nodding.


End file.
